In late 2020 I read about someone's intention for 2021, to choose being curious over being furious. I thought that was a great idea, and I was going to give that a try as well. Long story short - I spent most of 2021 furious, with a nagging feeling that I should be curious instead. It did not feel good and during a recent Lavender Matcha Latte date with a friend I shared those feelings and added that I should probably make more of an effort in 2022 and see if I can get curiosity to kill the fury.
My friend looked at me and said: "You know, Beth Dutton would probably choose furious over curious and it would be a good thing." Of course she would, and you bet it would be a good thing.
Full disclosure: My husband got hooked on Yellowstone earlier this year and binge-watched the first three seasons. At that time, not even Kevin Costner was enough to make me watch even a single episode. When season 4 came out a few months ago I started watching it by default because we live in a tiny place now and if the tv is on you don't have a choice but to watch. And yeah, it's good. And Beth Dutton is a badass honey badger.
The more I thought about furious over curious, the more I liked the idea. Because when I'm furious? Things happen. When I'm curious? I'm already bored just thinking about it. But, I don't want to be furious for the sake of it. Fury is a form of passion and passion needs purpose and purpose needs intention, right? I want to be intentional with my fury, so that's what I've settled on. Intentional Fury. Intentional Fury in 2022. Intentional Fury FTW.
I feel... Excited
Once I settled on Intentional Fury, I noticed a vaguely familiar feeling, something I hadn't felt in a while. My internal spark has been in energy saving mode, barely enough to keep the pilot light going, and the pandemic just about snuffed it out. Except that it wasn't really the pandemic; me, myself, and I haven't been feeding the spark. It's nice to have the pandemic to blame though. Anyway, I noticed this feeling, this excitement, about being intentionally furious. And I like it. A lot.
One of my clients says that a midlife crisis should not be called that, because it is a window of opportunity and magical things can happen. But the words 'midlife crisis' have crossed my mind more than once in the last few years, while I was trying to figure out why I felt how I felt. I don't have the answer; it could have been general angst and exhaustion leading up to 50, but it also could have been the shitstorm of health, business, and relationship challenges that swept through my life in the last five years - and some point that stuff just catches up to you.
Which brings me to another thing I have been thinking about a lot lately, and it possibly explains everything: Hemingway's Law of Motion. Things happen gradually, then suddenly. Makes sense, right? Call it law of motion or the compound effect, you know what I'm talking about. All those little things I looked past and plowed through during the last five years caught up with me and I retreated to the depths of my mind and simply quit caring about anything other than what's right in front of me {and even then, only if I had to}.
And now?
Intentional Fury is breathing new life into me. The first thing I did was to quit social media for my business, and start this blog instead. I've been promoting Simply Good Business on social media for years, but all my clients come from referrals. I'm in year 9 of full-time self-employment and I'm done with investing time and money into something that does not work for my business, no matter how much fomo the 'experts' try to spread.
I don't want to be a bystander anymore, watching my life as it passes by, I want to be right in the middle of it and take it all in. Notice every little detail. Write about it. That's why I quit my part-time job in 2013 and became a full-time freelancer - to write. And I will write, with intentional fury.