Excitement over Exhaustion

Sometimes I wonder: if we don't deal with things and act as if everything is just a first-world problem and keep pushing on, does it catch up and bite us in the ass? "It" being whatever we're dealing with, from difficult family situations to shitty jobs to life-changing medical diagnoses. Just keep pushing on, it will go away. Or not. Still keep pushing on. Maybe it's a generational thing, is this what GenX does? Is it stereotyping to say generations have specific traits or act in certain ways? Because I really have been feeling the generational differences lately. How people of different generations react to the same situation. And that's not to say one does it better than the other, just different. And it might help understand some of those reactions a bit better, if one considers the generational influence.


Maybe this calls for a GenX flowchart? Knitting has been my creative outlet for a while, but I would also love to draw. Draw specific things like flowcharts and make them look artsy. What I consider artsy anyways. But I can't motivate myself to do anything these days. Anything outside of work that is, because I'm definitely still working. Seven days a week. Not all full days, but my current project situations requires it and it's wearing me down. And making me feel like an ungrateful bitch, because there are many people who would be grateful to have a job at all and here I am wishing for nothing more than a break. We always want what we don't have, right?


When I think about what I actually do want, only one thing comes to mind these days: Excitement over Exhaustion. I want to feel excited again about... something. That feeling has gotten lost in the last two years and no, it's not because of the pandemic. There were many things in the last two years that affected me and my family a lot more than Covid did. Buried us. And now I'm trying to dig my way out of it again, because nobody else can do that for me. My notebooks are full of ideas and plans for this blog and for my business, but every time I want to get started or even just make a plan to get started and organize my thoughts I give up. I feel instant exhaustion and I either lay down for a nap or I sit down to knit. Which has been great for getting things knitted, but unfortunately not so great for getting anything done.


This is what I'm challenging myself to do: get started. Start unravelling. Start making plans. Start moving forward. Start.